~A Message from my Dream Self~

What is my name? I suppose it changes depending on the situation. I don't know how I got to this place. Im not always here, either, and I don't know exactly where I go when I'm not here. Still, whenever I return to here from wherever else I've been (although I don't remember), it somehow feels natural. But there is, unmistakably, another place that I spend my time; somewhere that emits a transmission of certain memories and imparts knowledge to my self in this dimension. People like to call this place simply, "The Realm". I feel like I have some shared friends between this realm and the other realities, but I just can't figure out who I am over there.

Okay, so you may be tempted to label me as insane at this point… But the thing is, I've been told about these other realities countless times within MANY experiences by beings that know more than I do, but I just still can't fully understand the phenomenon since my memories of these other realms are but limited to rare moments of deja vu.

It seems as if the things that happen to me (and others) in this realm affect our selves and situations in other realities too; and vice versa, the things that happen in those other realities affect what we experience in this realm. Vague sentiments and memories of other realities often creep up on me in the form of disguised, metaphorical logic- for instance, I'll be getting ready to go somewhere and be losing everything in frustration… yet somewhere deep down, I'll know that this isn't *really* what's happening (or at least it's not the only thing that's happening)- it's merely a reflection or an extension of something that has been happening in a different reality. Sometimes, I'll find myself worried about a disagreement I had with my boyfriend, and I'll be trying to make it better… but I will know that this disagreement didn't happen in The Realm. It might be more of a metaphor… What *isn't* a metaphor here in The Realm? And yes, the subjectivity does become rather confusing. Still though, I carry on.

Some of the friends I know are fleeting; some are recurring; and others, I feel a deeper connection with (my boyfriend, for example). My theory is that those beings whom I feel a deeper connection to perhaps are the ones that I know in other realities as well as here in The Realm. Sometimes in this strange, surreal haze that I can't seem to identify as anything but a series of disjointed yet somehow related experiences, my friends and I seem to be absentmindedly referring to this "other place" and it makes sense in the conversational content… yet when I really step back and consciously think, I sometimes become confused and wonder… What are we, as a collective of This Realm, trying to accomplish? What am *I* trying to accomplish, other than to become a master manifestor of realities? And why is this so important, like the natives of The Realm continuously tell me it is? If I can't even remember these other realities, sometimes I am unsure of the point!

Much of my 'training' to become a reality manifestor takes place through a series of classes which I attend. The content and teachings of these classes relate to the mystery of where I might spend my time when I am not in The Realm. Other beings (human forms, like I am) attend these classes with me and the teachings are done in the same hazy, surreal, way that we are used to. The underlying meaning of each lecture is always embedded in heaps of metaphorical jargon. In Existence 101, we learn how to perform certain actions during the course of an experience within The Realm that will reportedly affect something greater. According to the teachers, these greater applications seem to encompass the ability to manifest happenstances within the place or places where we spend the rest of our time between our remembered experiences. This is, of course, only for the non-native beings that also relate to me in my feeling of having another 'home' in space somewhere else.

Some beings that I meet seem to be ultra-intelligent and communicate in ways that are a bit more straightforward, on the other hand. According to them, they spend all their time here. They also offer good advice.

One occasion in which a native's advice came in handy was when I gave birth to my child. Immediately after the birthing, a motherly instinct within myself that I hadn't even known I had kicked in. But before I could even get to know him, my baby began immediately speaking in tongues, told me his name was Desmonysus and walked off to explore The Realm. This motherly instinct told me that I should go after him and protect him (though to be fair, he *did* seem to possess an innate sort of knowledge that even I didn't have. After all, even though he did come from me, he was still a native). Right when I was about to go after him, one of those ultra-intelligent Realm-dweller women told me that no, babies born in this realm already knew all they needed to navigate the terrain. She claimed that these types of children certainly knew more than I did, though not more than she did (the pretentious lady). One other interesting thing she taught me was that since I'd given birth to a child in The Realm, I now had a messenger baby who had the ability to scope out The Realm and report intuitive wisdom back to me whenever I was instead present in whatever other realities I inhabited while I was not on that plane of existence. I still am unsure of how it even feels to have this intuitive wisdom transmitted over to me while in these other realities, because I obviously don't have the capacity to remember. It sounds like an important thing to have, though, if I am ever to become a master reality manifestor! I had to learn to not be physically attached to my baby because the connection we shared would instead be a psychic one, and I had to accept this.

Fortunately it didn't take long for me to accept, what with the ever-present Metaphor surrounding and enveloping us all.

"How small a thought it takes... to fill a whole life..."

The current song's shrill lyrics echoed and ascended all around me, resounding truth; precisely the very truth that I had always lived by. In fact, I was closer now to this truth than usual. I was now *especially* on THE PATH. My "Personal Legend", as they put it in The Alchemist. This Path was led by the hand of this aforementioned truth...

I was spending my summer in San Francisco at an on-the-whim internship. This was the only internship I had ever applied to in my life, and coincidentally also the one that I turned out to be needing the most. I had let my intuition do the work and direct my attention to the proper place. So I was now in my summer dorm, listening to the dark psytrance song, Para Halu - Big Trees Talk, Old Trees Walk. The line above originally had come from a fugue musical piece; Steve Reich - Proverb.

And of this lyric, I thought... and still do think, how true it is.  How small a thought it takes to fill a whole life.

Picture the following: A pervasive thought, sparked by uncontrollable intrigue, fills ones mind... but no- this is no ordinary type of intrigue. This brand of intrigue is the stuff that precedes the manifestation of the happenings which make up Life. This is an Intrigue which has the power to generate dynamic intent, driving one to pinpoint their attention entirely on a deeply loved thought or concept and proceed to devote them self completely to all that surrounds it. This manifestation becomes powerful enough to lead one to some pretty amazing places. One might move them self to a different group of friends; to a different state; to a different career path; on a new expedition through their mind... this kind of intrigue has the great capability to fill a life with experiences never even conceived of before.  Powerful intent manifestation is at work.

This is the story of my life lived thus far.

I've gone down many paths that have converged and diverged numerous times into a bigger, more macro-scale path- we all have, right? I suppose that some of us just think about it more often than others. I can't help but notice that I've gone down many paths in which my choices were made at a subconscious level, yet were deliberately precise all the same. These intuitive paths... Ones existing through obscure and esoteric subcultures and countercultures, at that.

Paths of the internet.

Here is where some of these paths become a bit strange:

Each path has been lined with an intense following. I'm talking about communities in which at least some (usually many) individuals have chosen, or better yet, have had some unknown force calling them, to devote literally all of their time and energy to whatever topics that culture or group is centered around. Some people might see this type of behavior as passionate; some might see it as insane; some might look upon it with amusement; at worst some might see it as pathetic.

I think that  it all depends on the level to which the obsession goes, and the positive applications the individual uses for the obsession in their day to day lives or long-term goals.

The problem for me in the past has been that a lot of these topics have been things that don't exactly lead to huge life opportunities (but oh- they have all the same)! Bands, singers, songs, television shows, news anchors, electronic pets! Where can a life devoted and targeted on only one of any of those things (one specific band for example), at least long-term, really take somebody? Some of these topics have been broad and mainstream enough to be well-understood even in the midst of those… non-connoisseurs, but other times the interest of intrigue was so obscure; so awkward, that a individual merely sharing the thing with an outsider would yield a thoroughly confused response.

I am happy to say that these paths of mine have converged into one grandiose path that I now am able to cite that I have and have always had a long-term passion for; not just an obsession. And as it turns out, I have been following it all along without even knowing until the past five years.

However, I still must say that if there is one title that I'd truly deserve to earn in life through years of experience, I would be a Connoisseur Intrigue Enthusiast.

More on these paths later.